Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
