So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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