dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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