I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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