I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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