its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
