remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
