oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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