the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We talked him into tasing himself.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
