i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
