we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
