did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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