erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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