So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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