a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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