How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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