I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I could fuck to npr.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
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