Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
