literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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