This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
