ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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