I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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