i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
