Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
