Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
