Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
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Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
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I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.