Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place