my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
