In the future we'll all be gay
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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