I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
