Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i used baking grease as lip gloss
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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