Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
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so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
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I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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