FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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