wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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