If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
