this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
