A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
you made out with another girl for some wings
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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