Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
my poor anus
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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