I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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