My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
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I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize