I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
