I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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