just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
