just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
