My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
