i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
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Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
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There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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