This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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