you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
