i need an iv and a liver transplant
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
