Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
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This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
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I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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