There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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