How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
