You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Text me some of your sweat
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