four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
