hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
