apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
