hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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