There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
