We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
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You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize