If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
