Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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